DTP Part 36

Dreams, Wishes, and Heartache
Written on: Unknown date

Dreams, wishes and heartache
Things well known to me
Heart son your sleeves
For people to see
But no one has held it true

Lies, hate and death
More things to hate in my life
Never any truth or peace
Or lives worth living
Just things we despise

But there are always the things we love
Like the one person who lights up your day
Or the friend that tells you what she things
That one person who can make your life worth living
They make you want to be your best so they notice who you are

So just keep on living and trust those you love
Never stop dreaming the dreams you love
And keep wishing on stars
And see those wishes through
Never give up on that one special person
Never give up
And never look away
Face those fears of yesterday

DTP Part 35

Alone
Written on: September 4, 2002 (age fifteen)

She sat all alone
Staring at the stars
She didn't know what to say
Or do to help

The world around her was crumbling
With all the fighting and wars
Never peace with everyone
Always hate

She wonders if she'll ever see peace
She thinks about how to help
But all thoughts are gone
Fear takes its place

Her life turned into a living hell
With shots being fired
And everyone dieing
All around her

Her family and friends
All gone
But her faith is still there
And maybe it'll pull her through

A blinding light flashes
And all thought is gone
She sees the destruction
And fear rules all things

She gets to her knees
And prays to whoever will listen
Scared and shaking
Feeling the light surround her

She feels the emptiness
She's alone now
Not a soul other then her
Walks on this desolate spot

She always remembers
The fears of those days
When she first became alone
Never aging, never dieing

All she does now
Is walk the empty earth
Surrounded by fear and silence
And the bodies of the innocent

She is that which shows emptiness
She is fear
She is death
She is alone

DTP Part 34

Choices
Written on: January 13, 2003 (age sixteen)

She fell upon her knees
Giving up on life
Lost all trust and everything
For she had nothing left

No one to make the cold nights warm
No one to dry her tears
She's been through the pain
She didn't want to feel it again

She decided she wanted it to be over
She couldn't live with it anymore
She needed a way to end the pain
A way to be able to live again

She had a choice to make
Would she end her life or try to go on
Would she face tomorrow with a smile
Or would she watch the dark take over

People said love would come again
You should live again
Open up and enjoy what you have
Live until it's truly time to stop

She didn't know if they were right
She didn't know what to do
She wanted to get through it
But she didn't know how

DTP Part 33

The Girl
Written on: December 20, 2002

She sat by a pool of blue water
Silently wishing for a new life
A better chance in the world
Some way to survive
A family who'll love unconditionally
Just some peace of mind

She sits in a field of flowers
Wondering if this piece of heaven will last
Will life continue here forever
Or will it just disappear
Like every other good thing in life
In a place filled with beauty there's death

She sits on a mountaintop
Looking around her
Breathing in the thick fresh air
The chill shakes the body
Yet warmth soon takes over
When she notices the overwhelming beauty

Alone she sits on the universe's tail
Riding on an unending course
Trailing a path made by destiny
Living and dying
A continuous cycle
Never to end

For she is mother Earth
She is our mother, our life
She gives us food and what we need
And the air we breathe
She is our protector
She is Earth

DTP Part 32

Me and You
Written on: December 20, 2002 (age sixteen)

We started as friends
Instantly a bond was formed
We became close
I almost always knew
What you were thinking
Our friendship got deep
And I grew to love you
With my soul and my heart
You were everything to me
I spent my days trying
To make you smile

We could laugh at old times
Look forward to new times
We said we'd always be close
But deep in my heart
I wanted more than that
Maybe one day we'll be
Everything to each other
And you'll hold me
In your arms
Whispering sweet nothings
Into my ear

Maybe it's not love I'm looking for
But just an unending friendship
I don't want to ever loose you
Cuz then it would hurt too much
My heart would no longer beat
If I couldn't see you
Laugh and smile
Cuz when I see that sparkle
In your eyes
I know that you care
And I'll know you are there

You're not a dream
I keep dreaming
You're not a story
I keep telling
You're just the air
I need to breathe
You're just the man
I need to brighten my day
You keep me smiling
You keep my life going
You give me what I need

I learned how good
Life can be
You brought the sunshine
I gave you some too
I give you all my trust
And you do the same for me
We make great friends
We know that the only good times
Are when we are talking to each other
We see forever
In each others eyes

How strange is it
I could come to care
So completely
I only want the best for you
Whether it's with me or not
I learned to trust again
When I met you
You showed me
What I needed to see
And you told me
What I needed to hear

We've helped each other
Through those long days
We've seen it rain
As much as the sun
We've made a couple
Wrong turns on the road of life
We've made up for the
Circles we've been going in
By talking to each other
You saw what I wanted
Others to notice

I told you everything
Even all the poems I wrote
You gave me the
Confidence I needed
To keep on writing
I gave you words
To show you life doesn't end
With a broken heart
Because out there we all have soul mates

DTP Part 31

Love
Written on: August 12, 2001 (age fourteen)

I thought I heard an angel sing
I think I saw it fly
My heart is flying with yours
And I know exactly why

I know my heart is true
And I am sure yours is too
You are everything to me
And I really want you to know

I love the thought of you
The feelings you bring when you're talking to me
I hope you get that fluttering feeling
When you talk to me too

I really want to show you
how my heart does grow
And I hope your heart is true
So we can do this forever

I love you
You love me
So why don't we
Try forever?

DTP Part 30

How Long
Written on: November 14, 2001 (age fourteen)

How long has it been since life was true
Measuring all the things you do
I once did know the things of old
But now my heart is full of things
That are happening today

Never did my heart flutter
Or was my head full of you
Always a wonder at the things you do
Always wishing to be there with you

So far away
But so close to my heart
You changed my perspective on life
You made me try for the best
And you never let me put myself down

How is it that we are so far apart
But yet we are so close at heart
We both know that the other will be true
And that we'll always love each other

Never once will our love falter
It will always be strong
We'll get through the toughest of things
With not a doubt in our minds

How difficult life may seem
But we'll get through it hand in hand

One day we'll not just be two
But one joined by God
Rings on our fingers and love in our hearts

We'll always be strong
And never look back
Always looking forward
To the things to come

DTP Part 29

Breathless
Written on: July 24, 2001 (age fourteen)

Have you ever wondered why life is so difficult?
Have you ever considered it to be difficult because it's teaching you?
If you really think about it, is life really that difficult?
Maybe it's easy and it only looks hard because we are still making choices in our life

Have you ever been jealous of people around you?
Have you ever been jealous of your friends because they had something like love and you didn't?
Have you ever been jealous of the people you think 'have it easy'?
Maybe it's because we don't have what we want, or maybe its because we want life to be easy.

Has love ever left you breathless?
Or made your heart skip a beat?
Have you ever only thought of one person?
Maybe because you have found the person to spend the rest of your life with

Have you ever felt like you were in heaven?
Was it because of a person?
Or was it something your heart made you feel?
Maybe there truly is someone to love in this world

Are you willing to sacrifice everything?
Are you ready to take over your life?
Are you ready for what your future holds?
Are you ready?
Are you ready to start a new life?
I am.

DTP Part 28

Sometimes
Written on: January 7, 2003 (age sixteen)

Once in awhile
Our lives are filled with sorrow
But sometimes our days are bright
With happiness
When times pass by
Our lives grow wiser
We learn to look for signs
That will point us down the right path

Sometimes I sit in the shadows
Looking in at the world
Watching life pass by
You'd think I'd be sad
But in truth I'm quite happy
With the time to observe
To watch how people react
To what happens in their lives

So scared time will pass me by
And I'll miss the important things
But it shouldn't be difficult
To live life this way
Maybe I'll regret it
But I'll have to live with my choices

DTP Part 27

The Fall
Written on: Unknown date

That fall is very far
But it's never scary
Unless you're scared of whom you're falling for
Then it can be a pain

You might get hurt
But you'll never die
You may end up better then before
And trust more people

This fall could be wonderful
Granting your deepest wishes
Never have to dream again
Because all of that has become real

Always falling deeper
Into each others love
You'll never fall apart
Only closer together

Carefully planning where to go
Make sure you don't go the wrong way
Or you may loose track
So watch forward to the days of love

DTP Part 26

Everything
Written on: January 3, 2001 (age fourteen)

Care of everything
Never worrying about a thing
Sure of nothing
Not knowing where to go

Hope for something
Knowing it may come
Wishing for something
Unsure of what's to come

Love for someone
Knowing it is always true
Trust of no one
Though I wish I could

Close to everyone
Never going far away
Pray for everyone
So they live through this wondrous day

Never did I know so much
Of all the people in my life
Carefully I plan the day
For which I do see coming

DTP Part 25

The Boy
Written on: January 3, 2001 (age fourteen)

He sits in a dark room
Alone and very scared
Not sure what to do
Or who to trust

Scared he may never
See the light of day
Holding on to life
Though not sure if he really wants to

Carefully he chooses his friends
Not letting them get to close
Never learning to love
Those who all care for him

Hoping maybe one day
His dad won't raise his hand
Or his mom won't say
The things she says to hurt him so bad

Did he know there is help
For the things he's going through
Someone who'll care
Right next to him

Maybe next time
Will be his last time
Getting away from all of this
To feel safe again

So he sits in the dark corner
Hoping not to be seen
he cries and prays to God
To make his life go swifter

Maybe God will have them take his life
So he will be with Him
Then he won't have to hear the yelling
Or feel the pain again

Or maybe he can run away
But that is against everything he was taught
'Honor and the obey thy mother and thy father'
Is what is going through his head

How will he survive
Alone into this world
What if this happens to his kids
Will he still care

Could lie be that terrible
To trouble him with these thoughts
Why would God put him through this
It hurts him to the soul

Why does it hurt so bad?
Why can't it go away?
Scared it may go too far
And pus him to his final day

Can God just make it all stop?
And bring him to his bliss
Can't life just be over?
So he can finally be happy

Never will he hurt again
Not when he's in God's eyes
He'll be happy when he's gone
No more pain or yelling

God please help this boy
Guide him through the night
Teach him to be strong again
And guide him to your light

We know he'll be with you soon
So wait for him with care
Help him through this time
He'll need your care and blessing

Can you help him
Make him see your ways
Guide him and teach him
And make sure that he is safe

Soon the boy heard the yelling
He knew in his heart
It would be the last time
He'd soon be far away

He knew his father would hit him hard
And knock him to the floor
He wouldn't fight back this time
He won't let him see the pain

His dad walked in and smacked him
He fell to the floor
He got scared when the light got brighter
He knew he was going home

He felt the pain keep coming
he knew it would never end
But tonight would be the last time
The pain would be no more

DTP Part 24

I Love
Written on: January 4, 2001 (age fourteen)

Carefully I pray
Carefully I trust
Carelessly I walk away
And carelessly I love

Hopefully I write
Hopefully I care
Trustlessly I run to you
Trustlessly I love

Faithfully I cry
Faithfully I see
Hopelessly I talk to you
Hopelessly I love

Sadness overwhelms me
Sadness never cares
Happiness never near
Happily I love

Never will I go away
Never will I run
Always will I stay with you
Always will I love

DTP Part 23

Life
Written on: January 4, 2001 (age fourteen)

There always is another day
Brighter then the one before
Tomorrow comes another time
And different is it once again
Always we plan ahead
Not knowing what's to come
Never do we just look forward
Always peeking behind
Careful not to get lost
On this path of life

Careful of the future
Not sure of the past
Eerie about the present
Scared of not knowing
Happy when you guess
Sadly you awaken
Life unknown to you
Never can life do what's expected
Always doing the unexpected
Sleeping everything away

Slowly we walk on
Never again unsure
Trying harder every day
But couldn't we just go on
And face all fears unafraid
Never scared or tired
Walking forward
Not wanting and sure
Careful not to fall away
Stay close to your path

DTP Part 22

Unwanted and Unsure
Written on: January 4, 2001

Unwanted
Is the fear inside
Unsure
Of what to do

Unwanted
Is the darkness bright
Unsure
Of where to go

Unwanted
Is the carelessness
Unsure
Of how to live

Unwanted
Is what creeps around
Unsure
Of what it is

Unwanted
Is the hatred
Unsure
Of who to love

Unwanted
Is the untruthfullness
Unsure
Of everything

Unwanted
Is the death that creeps
Unsure
Of life's true plan

Unwanted
Is that scary feeling
Unsure
Of what it means

Unwanted
Is the heartbreak
Unsure
Of what to do

DTP Part 21

The Bird
Written on: January 4, 2001 (age fourteen)

Swiftly they fly away
Around the world they go
Careful to not get too close
To those they leave behind

Trusting the few he takes with him
Leading them far away
Soon they'll be warm again
But now is just the cold air

Faithfully he pushes forward
Soon the day will come
When a spot will be safe
And the food plenty

DTP Part 20

I know exactly what brought this poem out. We had been to a assembly at school that talked about prejudices and racism. I have always disliked prejudices and racism (not that anyone really likes them, except maybe fanatics) and this is what was brought out of me.

Hatred
Written on: January 4, 2001 (age fourteen)

Hatred towards a certain person
Scared of what they'll do
Carefully they watch each other
Not sure of who to trust

Watching after men and women
Not the same as you
Telling them to go away
Just because they are different

Differences will be here always
No one is the same
Hatred still comes to the different people
Just because someone like them did something bad

We hate those people because we want to
Not really knowing the reason why
Maybe someone did something
But we don't know who or why

Truth is hard to live with
Because everyone does this at least once
Some people do it all the time
And they're not even aware

Can this world live without hatred?
Or does life need a little hate
I don't know the answers
But hopefully we would live without it

Hatred is easy to misunderstand
But never will it change
We really can't get rid of it
Because someone will always hate someone else

So think about it
How many things you have said in hatred
Did you really mean to do it?
Did you even think?

All the hatred will overwhelm you
Push you far away
Never to know love again
And unsure of where to go

DTP Part 19

Dreamer of Dreams
Written on: January 7, 2001 (age fourteen)

Dream of dreams
And wisher of wishes
He stares with stars in his eyes
He doesn't know when life will end
But he will live life to the fullest
Because he'll always be
The dreamer of dreams
And the wisher of wishes

For he's the dreamer of dreams
And the wisher of wishes
He walks with pride in his step
He doesn't know where he's going
But he walks with his head held high
Because he'll always be
The dreamer of dreams
And the wisher of wishes

Can the dreamer of dreams
And the wisher of wishes
Live happily forever
Or will it soon be over
But his love will last forever
Because he'll always be
The dreamer of dreams
And the wisher of wishes

I like this poem. Its not the greatest of my poems but its short and sweet and to the point.

DTP Part 18

Mankind
Written on: January 5, 2001 (age fourteen)

Faith is in our hearts
Towards all of mankind
Hoping there will come a day
Though it may still be far away
Peace will shine through all the hate

Peace may be far away
But we'll always have the love
Of each special person
Believing everything you say
Will be the truth

Trust is always hard to find
Not knowing when to give it out
Joy of the care it brings

This was a poem in response to a reading we had done in my global studies class in high school. I believe it was all about different conflicts happening in various places. What hits me is that this was written before that faithful day on September 11th.

DTP Part 17

Life
Written on: January 2001 (age fourteen)

Life will go on living
A home will still be home
A family will still be family
So love will still live on

Dreams will still be dreamed
And hope we all can have
The skies are always blue
The seas are always deep

Can't I just be happy?
Walking down the street
Can't I hold my head up high?
And be safe all the same

Can't we all trust?
The feelings in our hearts
Or is it impossible
To learn where to start.

Again with the angsty teenager. Hope y'all enjoyed it.

DTP Part 16

His Girl
Written on: January 8, 2001 (age fourteen)

Sadness overwhelmed him
His little girl dead in his arms
He couldn't stop the feeling
Of rage boiling in his blood

He could not believe
What he saw then in her eyes
He saw happiness
He knew she was home with God

Her death had been accidental
But he still didn't know what to do
Did she know he loved her?
How long had it been since he'd told her so?

He knew deep down
That it wasn't his fault
But he couldn't stop wondering
If he could have stopped all of this

He knew his girl was in heaven now
Up there with her mom
He knew it was her time
But he didn't want to loose her

In a few days they'll bury her
With 'Daddy's Little Angel' on the grave
He'll miss her like he misses her mom
But he will learn to go on.

I had a teacher in high school that was a man who had lost his daughter to SIDS. This was a response I had done to the feelings I was feeling about it.

DTP Part 15

So here we go back to depressing Cara. I would like to put forward a warning that this post contains material that is related to suicide. I never did attempt, or even think about attempting, I just was very in tune with the subject.

The Final Goodbye
Written on: January 7, 2001 (Age fourteen)

A pen in her hand
As she writes a letter
Her tears fall heavily
She knows it's all for the better

She has nothing left to live for
Her family is all gone
Her husband and son
Both dead and seldom remembered

The knife will be sharp
The pain will be high
But nothing hurts as bad
As the pain in her heart

Scared she may be
But she'll finally be free
Of all the tears
And hurt

She ends the letter
So long and so scary
She'll take her life
With a cut to her wrist

She'll pray to God
One last time
She knows the way
Won't ever be to heaven

But she can't stand the pain anymore
It's been the last straw
So she'll take one more breath
And get the work done

She'll tell God
To protect those who are gone
She'll tell him
To tell them she loves them

She grabbed the knife
A bright silver light
It'll pierce her skin
And her blood will flow one last time

She started to shake
As the knife pierced her skin
The knife soon covered in her blood
Her heart starting to pound

She closed her eyes
The pain was going deep
And her fear was building up
The tears more constant

Hoping that this will go fast
So painful thoughts
Don't go through her head
Her breath going slower

She laid herself upon the floor
Heat overwhelmed her
And the light was getting brighter
Her life was slipping away

She heard a knocking
Not knowing if it was real
She was getting scared
She couldn't yell or scream

Soon a shadow stood over her
Her brother standing tall
He was yelling her name
And she said two words

Help me
She kept saying
Not knowing
If he could hear

She'd forgotten
That she was supposed to see her brother
One she didn't know
And now he saw her on the floor

He picked her up into his arms
And set her in a chair
She heard him call an ambulance
To get her away from here

She knew it was going to be too late
For them to save her now
How could she have done this
And hurt her brother so

Now he'd feel the pain she felt
Every single day
It would be all her fault
Because she didn't want to stay

She heard the siren far away
Her pain was all gone
Her brother ran toward the door
But her life was already gone

She felt like she was flying
Out of herself
She saw three men rush toward her
To see what they could do

Why was she not in hell?
Didn't it say she'd go there?
But it wasn't burning here
Would she go to heaven?

Would God bring her there?
With everyone she knew
Or would God just tease her some
And show her what she was going to miss

Then she heard a booming voice
Whisper in her ear
I will give you one more chance
To choose if you will die

To go back to your brother's love
And see what life will bring
Maybe you'll find that love will
Come again

Oh dear God
Please let me go
Back to where I was
Back to love and happiness

Let me have this one last thing
I'll never try this again
I'll wait until you want me here
To be blessed by your light

I will gie you your life
And send you back home
Give you back to your brother
And back to his love

Soon she woke up in a room
Her wrist wrapped in a bandage
She saw a t.v. with her heart rate
Going back to normal

She saw her brother sleeping in a chair
Saw worry in his face
She reached over and touched
He startled awake

'I'm home'
Is all she said to him
And soon fell back asleep

This is when I still believed in God. Now I'm a wonderful atheist because I was betrayed by my beliefs when I needed them most.

DTP Part 14

Today's installment brought to you by Ohemgeeimtiredwhatamigoingtodosinceicantsleep. Yep that's my new name. I'll be at the court house tomorrow getting it officially changed. ^.^

The Proposal
Written on: January 2001 (age fourteen - oh my god I'm a younger depressed teen now, no order to these poems whatsoever.)

He was waiting at the table
And the ring was in his pocket
Waiting for his girl
To walk into the room

She'd light up the room
As soon as she walked in
He'd be the first to talk to her
And he'd make sure of that

When the door finally opened
And she walked to their table
She smiled
And his heart skipped a beat

He sat through the long dinner
Waiting patiently
When the plates were taken away
He got down on one knee

He told her how much he loved her
And he asked her that important question
He held his breath as she thought over it
She was crying happily when she said yes

Okay so this isn't really depressing like the rest of them. A bit more upbeat. Expectant. Any other words that might go well can be inserted here.

DTP Part 13

Days
Written on: January 3, 2003 (Age sixteen)

Days and nights go by
Without you by my side
I'm alone in the night
So cold yet so warm
You're running through
My dreams

Through the days
I walk around silently
Scared of what may happen
If I tell you how I truly feel
How I need to have you at my side
To know you might feel the same

I can only smile when
You're around
I can only see the light
Through your beautiful eyes
We are protected by each other
For you are a Protector and I a Lover

We argue about finding love
I know you will
For if you look close enough
You will see how much I love you
I hold close to me
That secret of my love

Could you ever feel the same?
Could you ever bring me into your heart?
Could you ever wish for me
As I have wished for you?
Could you ever dream dreams
Like the ones I dream of you?

I had a present close to my heart
I'm afraid to give you
My love will show through
My trust as well
My friendship grows with it
For a ring can show all three

This ring has its own name
And with its name comes meaning
This is a Claddagh ring
The hands of friendship
THe crown of loyalty and trust
And the heart of love

Unsure of whether to give it to you
Unsure of what I'll say if I do
Would you get the wrong impression?
Would you understand?
Could you try to love?
Could you hold me close to your heart?

My heart is yours for the taking
Do you trust me enough to take it?
Or do you believe you'll never have love
That I am here for the taking
All you need
And maybe one day you'll want me too.

I was obsessed with Claddagh rings when I was sixteen or so. I don't know what started it. It gets used a lot in my poetry of that time. The ironic thing is that I did give one to my current S.O. He wears it occasionally. I guess I still have an obsession.

DTP Part 12

More depressed sixteen year old stuffs

The Ring
Written on: January 3, 2003 (age sixteen)

She wore it on her finger
A ring used as a reminder
Of where her life had brought her
It shone of bright silver
And it was adorned
With a crown, two hands and a heart

The ring, it held many purposes
Friendship, love and loyalty
Worn on her left hand
Showing her heart
Had been taken
But she got no heart in return

She gave her love so freely
Not caring too much if she was hurt
She'd been hurt before
Her heart was stronger now
Protected from the pain and tears
She would no longer be afraid of

The ring told her where her heart was
Given but not yet returned
This man would hold her heart forever
Even if she never got his love back
She feared this to be true
She would be alone again

The ring was her reminder
Told her how love was so important
Told her never to let go
For fear of being lost
To show her how alone she is
How different she is

The crown showed her
Loyalty and trust
The hands showed her
Friendship unending
The heart showed her
Love forever

The ring
The reminder
Her life
Her destiny
Her future
The same as her past

Again with the weird formatting on the second to last stanza. I was a weird child.

DTP Part 11

Woohoo next installment.

The Difference Between You and Me
Written on: January 3, 2003 (Age sixteen)

The difference between me and you
Is that I believe that one day
I'll find my true love in a soul mate
But you, my ignorant friend
Don't believe

The difference between you and me
Is that I'm the Lover and you're the Protector
One day you'll become a lover too
But who knows
Not I or you

The difference between you and me
Is seven years
You're the one with experience
You've been through the fire
But I still know what I'm talking about

The difference between you and me
Is that I want to live my life in peace
Being alone at home doesn't bother me
Maybe you like being in the crowd
To forget things

The difference between you and me
Is that I'm a woman
One day I'll be a mother
A wife who'll love unconditionally
But you won't know what that's like

The difference between you and me
Is that I love you
You haven't opened your eyes
You haven't seen my smile
You haven't give my love a chance

A protector protects
But a lover loves with all her heart
THe protectors are ignorant of the heart's true feelings
The Guardians protect and love unconditionally

You my friend are a protector
Try and become
A Guardian
And live fully

DTP Part 10

This I wrote for a friend in my photography class because she wanted something to give to her boyfriend.

Poem Number 5
Written on: January 6, 2003 (Age sixteen)

We give our love unconditionally
Yet so, hide and hold it back
We live through times that are hard
And spirits get pushed down
As we try to survive
We all need hope and love
We need to be able to trust
Have a smile through the days

To you I'm just a little girl
Someone to share your life with
But I want what you think you can't give
I want love that should make your heart beat
I feel defeated, pushed to be just your friend
For I am just a young naive girl
Not quite sure of where my life will lead
Not sure of how to tell you how I feel

I will always be here for you
TO help you walk through the fire
To help you see the good things in life
To have a watchful eye, to look for the dangers
I will walk with you down life's paths
For I will always be by your side
Even if I don't have the love I need
I might just show you what it's like

Through hard times and easy times
Through all the good things in life
I hope to see that sparkle in your eyes
To see a smile go across your face
I will help you through the dark

Okay so I have no idea what was up with the indenting on the second lines throughout the stanzas. Maybe I was just bored

DTP Part 9

Wishing
Written on: January 7, 2003 (Age sixteen)

Laying on a bed of flowers
Staring at the stars
Wishing and dreaming
That one day I could be among them
Isn't it weird we can sit and wish
But most of the time that's all we do
Wishing wishes never to be fulfilled

Atop a mountain
We breathe deeply
As air up there
Is a precious gift
We walk through the clouds
Amazed at what the world is

In the world we wish and dream
Wondering if one day they will soon be.

Nothing really to say on this poem. I think I was a very depressing sixteen year old.

DTP Part 8

So I wrote this after first reading Eragon by Christopher Paolini. I would have just turned sixteen

The Dragon and Her Rider
Written on: November 27, 2002 (age sixteen)

The wind blows past
And she moves ever faster
Through the sky
She doesn't know now
The difference between
Water and land
For everything's a blur
Her wings beat faster
And her scales
As strong as steel
Cut through the air
She cannot tell
If there's war or peace
Because life and time
Pass her by
Alone except for the rider at her back
Who's thoughts
Mesh with hers
The small boy
She calls her own
Her rider
Her friend
Her child
He lets the harsh wind
Cut at his face
And her body
Cut at his legs
They travel
For revenge and from death
They fly with speed
And the fear of being seen
At night, at day
It's all the same
For they only stop
To catch their
Breaths
And are off again
They hunt as one
With talons and bows
Swords spill blood
And teeth rip flesh
And their stomachs
Are soon full
Promises are made
And secrets are shared
Futures entwined
As one shares the others
Destiny and fate
Their hearts beat together
Their sight is the same
And through each others eyes
They see two worlds
They are
One.

Enjoy?

DTP Part 7

Next up on Depressing Teenage Poetry:

Numb
Written on: January 7, 2003

Years ago I was bright and happy
But now my life is full of shadow
I just don't know what to do
Anymore
Because I feel so numb

Dead to the world
I walk around invisible
I was noticed when I was with you
But I found out who my true friends were
When they turned their backs
When you left me

They say silence is golden
But to me it's a pressure in the dark
As I sit screaming
Because I feel so numb

I'm in the darkness
I'm all alone
I feel nothing
As the numbness takes over

I was faithful and true
I promised never to hurt you
Do you remember making those promises too
But you broke them
When you hurt me so

The warmth never penetrates my body
The coldness is so overwhelming
The flame is bright
Yet it freezes me through and through
I wish for that warmth again
To break through the numbness

Can I ever feel again
Can I break through the cold
Maybe one day, but not today

Hearts beat together
If you've found the one
But if numbness overcomes you
How can you feel the love

When the pain seems like it will never stop
You'll feel the numbness
As you forget how to feel
And your heart has shattered
You're gone in this world of silence

DTP Part 6

I can still remember how this is supposed to sound in my head. Which is at a rappy-type pace. Interesting ain't it. Especially since I really can't explain how it should be read.

Boy
Written on: March 5, 2003 (age sixteen)

How crazy was it, love was out to get me
I was lost and alone before
And I enjoyed the silence around me
The slow paced easy life
But then I was overwhelmed by this new emotion
Sped up and told to get going
Roses and butterflies in my stomach
Lazy eyes
Unsure where to go, what to do
Where to put my hands
What to say to make it better
You wanted comfort when things went bad
You wanted to touch to feel to hold
I wanted it quiet that faith and trust
Couldn't you just
Sit with me
Talk with me
Listen to the stories I have to tell
You brag to your boys
How you find me coy, sleek and sexy
How my eyes caress you
How I undress you
Fall upon my knees
Why would I do these things
Boy don't play a player
Don't call me one of yours
If you call those other whores
Yours too
Cause boy I know what your playing
And what your saying
You just don't want your boys to know
I won't give you any
So you made up stories
Of how you hit here
Hit there
How you can get who you want
When you want
And where you want
But boy what you don't know
I know the game
The rules
And I'll be better
I'll beat your sorry ass
And pass you to the next whore
And I'll move on to the next boy
Next toy
I'm just a girl, boy
And all I want is to hang
With my girls
I'll find what I need later
When I need it
But for now I'll just hang with it
Hold onto life
Have fun
Enjoy
And stay young inside.

DTP Part 5

This is becoming way too much fun to stop. Flooding my page though.

Friendship
Written on: November 28, 2002 (age sixteen)
Dedicated to: Dave

When we spend our days together
We talk and share our pasts
You were there
When I need to cry
You were there to help
Those long days go by
It's strange what I feel for you
A deep unending friendship
For I know you'll always be here
For me
And I'll always be there
For you

It's strange that days go by
And all I think about
Is the friendship we share
You share with me your dreams
Showing how much you care
Even when we're brokenhearted
We still have the love of friendship
The strangers out there
Just don't understand
How our friendship lasts
When we're so far away
From each other

Alone together
But never completely together
Far away
But with us are secrets shared
And our feelings the same
All we have is friendship
It will last us our whole lives
Whoever knew that a bond could form
Between two
So instantly
You showed me you cared
Because you were always in my heart

You saved me
From a secret
I held close to my heart
It was hard to let people in
But you made it there with ease
You broke through those shields
That guarded my heart
You showed me I could care
Without needing to loose myself
My soul and heart were safe
They wouldn't be broken again
Because I knew you wouldn't hurt me

For all of time I hold you close
I'll protect you when I need to
I wish I knew a better way
To show I care
For words through a poem
Are never as good
As ones face to face
But maybe these words
Will reach your heart
And you'll just know
You are my friend
My warrior and my hero.

Okay, so this was written for the same guy in the previous post. But he had asked me for a poem for him and this is what I had done.

DTP Part 4

Here we go again.

In Years and In Miles
Written on: January 6, 2003

I let my heart get caught
In a tangle of some words
I held you close to my heart
Wishing you did the same
But I knew it never could be that way
Because you were so far away
In years and miles

I figured out what your heart was like
When I thought I made you smile
I wish I could see the stars in your eyes
I wish I could hear you laugh
I wish you'd hold me in your arms
And whisper sweet things to me
But I knew it couldn't be
Because you're too far away
In years and in miles

I tell you things I can't tell anyone else
I trust you with everything I am
Body and soul
I thought that maybe someday
You could feel the same
But you're just too far away
In years and in miles

I care for you so much
That it hurts to know
You've found somebody else
I guess I'll just be that distant friend to you
The one who'll hold your hand
Through the fire
Because you're just too far away
In years and in miles

You tell me all about her
How she's taught you how to love
Something I wish I could have done
But still I keep quiet
And don't tell you how it makes me feel
Just remember if she turns you down
I'll be here to make you love and smile
But I guess you're just too far away
In love and in miles

You tell me one day that I'll find someone great
Someone who can make me feel loved
Someone who I can trust
I thought I found him
When I met you
I'm just too afraid to let you know
Because you are just too far away
In years and in miles

You hold something sweet in your hands
My heart and my trust
I hope that one day
You will see that I'm not a girl
But a woman with feelings for you
And then maybe you won't be too far away
In years and in miles.

Okay this is actually one I did when I was crushing on an older guy who lived in Canada. Not a who bunch of miles away since I lived about thirty minutes from the border of Canada in Washington and he lived about thirty more minutes away from that. I also remember that he was a natural flirt and would do so with me with out a thought or a care. And I had thought he had cared for me, but then he had found his true love. Which I'm kind of glad because him and his daughter needed the perfect match for them and I wasn't it. I am glad that I didn't really do anything with him, because I did end up finding my perfect match in my current S.O.

DTP Part 3

Okay so here is the next installment of crappy poetry. I do enjoy some of it, but most of it is all laughing and giggling at my angsty attitude.

Did She Know
Written on: January of 2001 (age fourteen)

Did she ever know
All this would happen
Or did she think
Her life would be perfect

Carefully they cage her in
Hoping it will protect them
From something
She never did

They told her she was in trouble
And they call her evil names
Couldn't she be herself
With no more pestering.

I really have no idea what would have brought this on. So this poem gets no real explanation. Except maybe that I was young. Though I do know some of these are from free writes during my various creative writing classes during high school and could have been for that.

My depressing teenage poetry part 2

Okay so I am going to do as many as I can today, because its snowing and I am just bored enough. So here is the next installment of Depressing Teenage Poetry. Remember there will be now editing done. You are getting the full effect of me at the time.

Stronger
Written on: January 1, 2003 (age 16)

Life changed on me
When I found myself alone
Scared and afraid
Trying to figure out what to do next.

I had once been yours
I was your rock
You were my shoulder to cry on
You promised me you wouldn't make me cry
But you did

Now I've moved on in life
I'll stand up tall and show myself
I'll never let myself cry again
I will be stronger than before

I used to believe one day
We'd have a chance again
But then I grew up
I learned that never give your heart out
Unless you want a chance for it to be broken

Strange how before I wasn't cautious
But now I can see all the signs
You taught me that
Never lose myself until
I know there's a chance
I'll find my way back

I'll never again let dreams
Put thoughts of forever in my head
I will not need somebody to be happy
I can be happy alone
I'll find a way to be stronger

I may be alone
But one day
I'll find somebody true
Who can show me the world
In his arms.

Okay. I would have been about sixteen years old at this time. Again, like the previous one, I was probably still depressed over my breakup with a guy I was dating.

My depressing teenage poetry part 1

Okay I was going through some boxes in my closet the other day and I found a composition notebook that has my poetry from when I was a teenager. And oh my god is it depressing. So I am going to go through and post poetry from that every day until all the lovely pieces are put into this lovely blog here. I will not do any editing, so you are getting the fullness of my teenage angst and editing skills.

Falling Again
Written on: February 5, 2003

As Valentine's Day rolls closer
I remember people from my past
Ones who stayed
And ones that were driven away
A picture of you popped in my head
And with it, I was flooded with memories
Ones of laughter and fulfilment
Also ones of tears and hurt
The moments of true bliss
True love and trust
And your gentle but strong ways
My heart has always wondered
If one day we'll be together again
If one day you could love me
As much as I love you.
I figured out how deep these feelings were
When you said hello after so much silence
It brightened up my life
And I remembered everything I hid away
The passion I held in check
And it hit me fully
I was falling for you again
Little things pointing it out
Popping candy hearts in my mouth
With the words 'tres' and 'miss you'
Am I setting myself up
For another heart break
Do you think you could learn to love me again
I never wanted to lose you
But I got over it
Until I figured out
I was falling again
Can you tell how much I need you
Can you tell how much I wish we could go back
Memories hit me full force
Bringing back the past
I cried when I saw how much I missed it
How much stupid crap I've done
Other boys come and go
But you've stayed with me
Through all of it
And I ask myself what I could have done
To make it different
To dry those tears
To make everything better
I've noticed how I'm falling again
Memories of lying in your arms
Memories of talking for hours
I can't believe I'm falling again.

Okay by the date, I think it was about four or five months after I had broken up with first-ish boyfriend Tres. I would have probably been about sixteen-ish or so.