I got an award!

So today, after a long tiring day at work., I come home to find an award from my new friend Kit Thank you ever so much!

Here is what the message says: These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

I really don't have that many friends on this journal/blog right now so I will reserve the giving of the award away to all except one person who deserves the award right back again. KIT

DTP Part 52

To Stop Loving You
Written on: April 2, 2003 (age sixteen)

It hasn't changed
Though I wish it would
I wish I could stop loving you
When I know you don't feel the same
I turn to you
You turn to me
When we need a little something
To feed the sexual frustration
To smolder and calm the flames
Why do I turn to you
When I have another
One I should turn to
It's scary what I would give up
Just for you
And for love
I am willing to give you
Something I could never claim back

To stop loving you
Is like tearing myself in two
Losing half of me
When you look at me
Can't you see the love
The devotion
Do you deep in your heart
Know what it is
But push it away out of fear
Or do you know what it means
And you'd rather hurt me

Since you left
The skies have been gray
Some days
Blue has peeked through
Just to be covered again
Gloomy and cold
Except those moments
In your arms
With those small traces of love
Where there's sun and warmth
But as soon as you see what you're doing
You turn away and leave
Back to the present
Instead of back to where we once were

To make a wish upon a star
And hope it to be true
It's a wish for you
To hold me in love
Not just in lust
For you to see who I am
A heart-broken girl
Wishing for my heart breaker
To come back to me

I stare out the window
Daydreaming
Wishing to find a way
To stop loving you

DTP Part 51

Am I
Written on: February 9, 2003 (age sixteen)

Would you cry if I wasn't here
Would your heart ache if you never saw me again
Could you find away to go on
Am I worth having
Am I just a simple lay you want
Or do you really love me

If I was dead
Would you cry at my funeral
Would you even come
Or would you be at home
With your new girl
Without a thought of me on your mind

If I got really sick
Would you sit by my side
Hold my hand through the pain
Whisper about what we'd do in the future
The one I might not have
Or am I just some girl

Am I easily forgotten
Just a fast swing
A one night stand
Or could this be the real thing
Everything we've ever wanted
The air we need to breathe

Am I just a fling
Something you wanted to try
But couldn't have
Are you trying to take
Something I could never get back
Will you leave at the first sign of trouble

I am a girl easily forgotten
I'll breeze through your life
Like the shadows
The ones I use for cover
The sweet one guys never want
All but you

Are you different
Or is this just a game
One I don't know how to play
Or what the rules are
Can I win
Or will I always lose

A sea of questions flood my mind
Like the rain floods a river
I'll always find a way to survive
I'll wait for the flood to be over
So I can get on with my life
And find out, who am I?

DTP Part 50

A Nation
Written on: February 3, 2003 (age sixteen)

A shadow washed over us
When sorrow upon sorrow overwhelmed us
And our hearts bleed
When we hear of the lost souls
Who try to seek an end to it all

Fear in our hearts
As we look war in the eye
We bow down to our leader
As he ignores our pleas for peace
And all he looks for is revenge

A nation that dies
Soul upon soul standing at Heaven's gate
Plus the ones who burn in pits of fire
And cry out with what they wish they didn't do
Fear overwhelming them

Children learning about war
Instead of peace
Instead of joining hands with their brothers and sisters
Learning stories of crime
Instead of fairy tales

Our nation is the greatest or so we're told
In everything but peace
We have money and power
Yet we seek more and more
Not wanting to look past the greed

A nation once separated
But we were soon joined
Not truly joined though
For we still look at the differences
That we think should separate us

A nation who thinks we should teach others
Yet we don't pay attention to the lessons
Ones we try to teach
Though it goes right through our ears
Not staying there to be remembered

A nation of love
A nation of greed
But a nation unsure
Lost in power
Lost in war and sorrow

A nation standing tall
As we stand by our brothers
And we see how our land grows
How we prosper
How one day we will be strong

DTP Part 49

Song Poemy Thingy
Written on: Unknown date

When I first saw you
You changed my life
It went from dark to light
Faster then I could believe
You brought something with you
I've never seen before
Such love and joy
It was like it hadn't been there before
Not as strong or as pure
My heart had been hidden
Behind shields from the hurt I had felt before
I hid without telling you
How I truly felt
For I felt if I told you
Then I'd lose all I have found
I didn't know where my heart was leading me
I didn't know it'd be hurt in the end
For I hid behind my feelings
I tried to change how I felt
But it kept coming back
Showing me that I couldn't change
I needed your love
I needed your faith
I need all that you could give
For with your love
I come completely
I didn't know that my heart was so far in it
I didn't understand what it meant
Soul mates and destiny is what I really wanted
But in you I saw it was for another
I need your love
I need your faith
I need everything that you could give
For with your love I come completely
Gone with the wind
All my fears put aside
When I have you close to me
I know that it's forever
But I see in your eyes
That your heart belongs to another
I need your love
I need your faith
That hurt wouldn't hurt again
For I gave you my all
Honest and true
Because all that I wanted
Was you
Lost in a secret
So far gone
It was like a storm brewing in me
That couldn't be calmed
I needed your love
I needed your faith
I needed all you couldn't give
Wehn I asked to be with you
My love was so strong
Deeper then ever before
It was hard to move on
Cuz my heart was so gone
I got lost in your eyes
Unsure of what to do
I didn't have faith
To see if you loved me
Now I'm caught in the middle
Of figuring out what to do
I lost what I needed
I needed your love
I needed your faith
I needed arms to hold me tight
I needed the truth
I need it all
Tears of joy and tears of pain
Falling across my cheeks
I wished they'd go
And leave me in peace
But I can see
It isn't so

DTP Part 48

Unnamed Poem
Written on: unknown date

Around me
Are whispers
Louder than a scream
Covering my ears to the noise
Feeling the pain
From gossip and back stabbing
As I watch
I see wounds open and bleed
Anger feeds the accused

Closing my eyes
To the unforgiven things done
To friends going against friends
And family that doesn't acknowledge each other
The pain unwanted
Yet you can't run away from it

DTP Part 47

Memories
Written on: March 11, 2003 (age sixteen)

Distant memories
Of long, long ago
Of the dark souls
Who walked the streets at night
The ones who hid during the day
And craved the taste of a crimson liquid

History clouds my mind
With pictures of the past
Unsure why they're there
Or what to do with them
What does it mean
To know these things

Pictures of a life
One I never experienced
Never lived through
Never seen things she's seen
Never loved what she loved
Never craved what she needed

She was a creature of the night
Who spent her undead life
Living to the blood lust
She learned to hide
She learned how to trust
Only those like her

She was a Transel
A pure blood
A vampire not by choice
But by a hated destiny
One she couldn't
Rid herself of

When I was younger I used to role play online for characters for a novel I was writing back then. I recommend role playing for anyone who needs help with character development, because when you role play and you get into it, it can make you get very interesting details out of your characters, especially details you wouldn't normally get

DTP Part 46

Heroes
Written on: January 30, 2003 (age sixteen)

Heroes come in many shapes and sizes
They're men and women all the same
How true a story is
When it's told about a hero
When a hero sees someone in danger
They do all they can to help

I never truly understood heroes
How they could be so brave
No fear of getting hurt
Walking away with the happiness
That they did something to help
Where did they learn to be so brave

I wish I knew how to be brave
Strong and sure
Able to stick up for things I love
Reaching for all my dreams and wishes
And maybe one day I'll hold them in my arms
And then be one of those heroes

DTP Part 45

Lost
Written on: October 9, 2002 (age fifteen)

When the truth comes out
And life stops
Maybe we can be friends
Or maybe something stronger

Time will tell
Or so they say
So why hasn't it told me
Why my life is all dark and lonely

Truth behold
Lovers held
And faith never shows
But still there is hope all around

Can we still wish upon a star
Or sixteen candles on a cake
Or do wishes fall in a well
And disappear into the blue

What happens when we loose our way
And wander alone in the dark
Will we ever find the light again
Or be lost forever?

DTP Part 44

Help Me, Save Me
Written on: October 11, 2002 (age fifteen)

Help me
Save me from this hell I live in
The depression that overwhelms
And the tears overflowing

Help me
Save me from where I'm at
The hope that faded
The faith far gone

Help me
Save me from the pressure surrounding me
The people pushing
The life of others passing by

Help me
Save me, day by day
The time fades
The strength has gone away

Help me
Save me, yet stand afar
Watch me as parts of me die away
Watch the stars in the sky

Help me
Save me, watch me carefully
Watch how my life changes
Watch the world change with one word

Help me
Save me, listen carefully
Listen to songs from long ago
And sounds from far away

Help me
Save me, change my life
Watch for differences
Listen for the voices

Help me
Save me
Treasure me
And hope for a better me

DTP Part 43

A Crush
Written on: unknown date

He answered her prayers
With a single smile
He granted her wishes
With a single look

But did he know it?
No
He didn't know the effect
Or the spell he put on her

The whispered secrets
And the glancing stares
A friendly hug
Stirring wild emotions

All he knew was friendship
And all she knew was love
But she lived with the friendship
Though she knew it wasn't enough

How could life point her
Down a dreadful path
One that points to heartbreak
And feelings unanswered

DTP Part 42

Secrets
Written on: Unknown date

Trust not give
And secrets never shared
How could there be love
In a world like this

Scare we may be
Bu always our hearts are on our sleeves
Or the mysterious
With their dark hearts locked away

Never carefree or faithful
Just scared and alone
Paths un-taken
To a world unknown

Hope of a true love
With wishes unanswered
Tears of joy and sorrow
To complicate things more

War between each other
Never the peace we all crave
We'll just be scared
And cower into a dark cave

Can't we crawl out of those caves
And dance with joy and hope
And look forward to another day
And go along with a smile

Can't we have the freedom
To say what we want
To go where we wish
And to be free from everyone

Where there's life
Without love
Because some one arranged it
Before you were born

Lives are plain
Yet you don't have a say so
In what happens
Marriage, children, death

How is that life
Wen you don't get to live
How is it true
If we don't know where to start

DTP Part 41

His Knees
Written on: Unknown date

With a prayer
He spent his life
Living on his knees
Not knowing where to go
Or who to trust

One other person in his life
And he pushed her away
Knowing love was there
But he feared what he didn't know
And he fell to his knees once again

Tears shed
And hearts broken
Wishes unanswered
Knees sore
As the prayers keep coming

Unknown to the world
Is the trust this man has
When he prays
When he cries
And when he fears

Hopefully that tomorrow
Will be left unsinful
But the future
Brings that untrue
But he's still falling to his knees

Unwilling of what will come
For he forgot all the truths
Of what he wanted
Or any of his needs
Why can't his knees go out

DTP Part 40

Love
Written on: July 4, 2002 (age fifteen)

What a world we live in
A life long home
For all of us
Truth be told
All we need is love

Love is all we need
All we want
All we have
What will happen
If we don't have love

Scared is what we are
Lost in our world of fear
A world that's full of wars
A world we hope will be in peace
And then we'll have the love we crave

Only the fortunate fall in love
Only the special know what it is
No one can deny another love forever
But it happens
And we do nothing about it

DTP Part 39

Questions
Written on: January 3, 2002 (age fifteen)

Did you know the answer
To that question that I asked
Or are you still thinking of a way to answer
Well I guess it really doesn't matter

Never again will I trust a man
Not if they're like you
Not if he's willing to break my heart
And leave me crying on the floor

How could you really do that
That was what I asked you last night
Are you going to answer me
Or leave me wandering in the dark

Can't love trust me
To trust my own heart
To let me trust in the way I think and feel
Or to live with my own decisions

Just let me be free
So I can be able to choose a better may
Maybe he'll treat me better
Maybe sparks will spark when I am with him

Only when I'm free of you
Will I be able to trust again
So if I can get rid of you
Then I'll be able to dream again

Once my mind is free
Of thoughts of you
Though my mind
Still tries to hold onto you

There were those days
When I thought we loved each other
You used to hold my hand
Walking down the beach at night

Can't my heart say yes or no
When it comes to you
I know it wants to love
But it looks in all the wrong places

Will I ever find the one man
Who can keep my love and trust
Or does he not exist
Except in my dreams

Only there am I really happy
With his arms around me
Holding me tight
And saying he loves me

DTP Part 38

The Blue Bird
Written on: January 3, 2002 (age fifteen)

Did you ever hear a blue bird sing
He sings for those in love
Never any fear at his side
Only truth and joy

Never did a blue bird fail
To bring love into the world
Carelessly he flies forward
With nothing to block his way

Hopefully he flies for me
Waiting to spread his love
TO bless those in need
Of someone to care

Carefully he flies
Over those who are gone
Knowing that those people are loved
His work well done

Peacefully he hopes
For peace among us all
And trust among us
Who are different but all the same

Never does he fly carelessly
Over the people
Who need the love
Trusting each and every one

Trusting that his love will spread
All over this big world
Until the day he lays his head
The peace, trust and joy will be here

DTP Part 37

My List
Written on: January 3, 2002 (age fifteen)

Hope is what I wish for
Trust is close behind
But most of all
I need true love
To guide me through the night

Care is on my list
But playfulness is there too
Forgiveness when it's needed
And remembrance of the things
I will always love

Sadness is unwanted
Without that broken heart
But happiness is always there
Never will I forget
The things I love and care for

My list will never be complete
For I will remember things I'll need
Like all the things I have listed
There will always be one that will never change
That single word LOVE

For love can get you everything
That is in the deepest part of your heart
It listens to all your needs
Never forgetting all your secrets
Or things you're wishing for

Love will always be there
Even when you think it's not
For there will always be someone
Who loves you
Even when you think they don't

For that one person it could be weird
They feel the fear inside
But when its known to the world
Then love will find you both

Though my list may never end
The things are easy to find
SO if you can do these simple things
Then I'll know that you are true
To the deepest part of your heart

So trust your heart
And go on
Say three words for me
First the "I" and the the "love"
But most of all is "you"

This is a poem that I wrote as a wedding present to one of our friends of the family. It went over so well that I started a tradition of giving this poem to people getting married, usually along with something else, but its gone over well so far.