Me? Blogging? Psh...

So, once upon a time I used to be good at this whole journaling thing. I could just sit down and reflect on my day. Now, being an adult, I find that a little more difficult. And I think that that is because my brain gets so fried when ever I come home from work that I absolutely do not want to reflect on the day. Half the crap that I go through while working are things I don't even want to have to remember.

Being a call support agent with a major television provider in the U.S. means that I get calls from complete assholes and idiots all day asking me to help them and fix their problems. That wouldn't be so bad if those assholes and idiots would learn to follow directions. Just so you know, when I tell you to press the menu button on your remote, that usually means that I want you to press the menu button, not some random button you decide to press. And then when I asked you what you pressed after you bring up some bullshit I don't want you to say these words: "I thought you said (insert name of whatever button pressed)". You know I didn't say that. Really you did. I only told you the name five times. Seriously. MENU. *Face meet palm/desk/other sharp instrument*. Granted there are the nice people out there who can make my job easier. But there really aren't that many out there these days.

Wedding planning is kind of at a stand still at the moment. Granted we have over a year to plan. But we do need to make a few very important decisions. Like an official date and place. We still haven't decided on the damn state we're getting married in. Decisions, decisions. If you want to read more about the pre-wedding planning and tasks, and any other information go ahead and take a look at my other blog. Two Hands One Heart. Most updates on the wedding will be linked there from now on.

Lets see... what else. Visits with family of different sorts were fun. All the visiting and playing kept everything happy and bright. We definitely wish that both sets of visits could have been longer. We miss our girls and I definitely miss my mom. I would love to just hide her here forever but I think my dad would miss her.

Life has been slightly stressful lately. With working and trying to not kill people bunking on couches, not to mention court and planning various things like weddings and moving out. Nothing has been very "news" worthy lately. But we're getting through it and trying to just get settled. I've been here in Colorado for about 13 months now. Its been exciting and I am more happy then I have ever been.

But thats it for now, I'll try and update more often as well.

CMA

*Sigh of contentment*

So I realized today that I probably haven't checked email in... oh, two weeks or so. Yeah, lets just say that there were hundreds of emails, most for mailing lists I like to read, but still there was probably around 70 that were personal. Then I also realized I haven't done anything here either.

*Face, palm*

Life has been crazy the last month or so. And here's the recap:

• Engagement - About a month into it and I still can't believe how lucky I am to get to spend the rest of my life with a man I cherish and three beautiful girls I adore.


• New job/new hours - I've been working my new job for about a month and... err, probably 2 1/2 weeks. Still getting used to the hours. Gawd, I'm up at 4am every day now, there were days during my lovely two months of unemployment where I didn't even go to bed until 4am.


• Planning visits - Our girls are coming down from C.B.'s house in Washington to visit for their Spring Break at the end of the month. Excitement galore. Also, trying to get it settled on when my mother will be coming down to Colorado as well. A sad twist of fate caused her last trip to be canceled because of a heart attack. Now that she is doing better we are trying to decide on yet another date for her to come down so that she can use the tickets she got refunded.


• Planning weddings - Alright, so its come to my attention that I am a very anal planner. We have decided on a general idea of a date that is more then a year away and I am enjoying way too much the idea of planning this. And starting to get scared shit-less of all that needs to be done. Not to mention we can't decide if we'll do the wedding here in Colorado or back up in Washington. Gah, but I know what I'm going to wear and I know how I want the ceremony to go. Let's just say, I'm a freak.


• Planning moves - Our lease is up in June I believe, finally, and we will get the chance to move out of these disastrous apartments. So we, and when I say we I mean me because the S.O. works later then I and usually most apartments are closed by the time he gets off.

• Writing and not writing - Been too exhaust to do much, though the cool thing about being a call support person is that I can write at the desk in between calls. Though trying to keep up a flow is hard in that situation.

So yes, that's about it, for now. But since my lap top is about to die, I will update more later.

I was tagged!!!

As per request, Kit has tagged me to do a photo tag.

Here is what you are supposed to do: Go to your photo collection, take the fourth folder and the fourth picture in that folder and explain it. Then tag four more bloggers to do the same.

And my picture -
This is my family :-) From left to right: Aria (who will be my currently 7 year old step daughter), Todd (my fiance), Clara (who will be my currently 5 year old step daughter), and Aurora (who will be my currently 9 year old step daughter).

I don't have choices for tagging people. I'll get back to you on that :-P

Now off to meet the wedding planner.

DTP Part 93

A Mind
Written on: February 3, 2006 (age nineteen)

Silence
A mind so numb
Nothing gets through
Ignorance
A mind full of opinions
Without really understanding
Trust
A mind willing to explore
Those feeling growing inside
Faith
A mind filled with religion
Never knowing what beliefs to believe
Happiness
A mind ecstatic
The joys of life need to be explored
Depression
A mind lost in delirium
Never wanting to feel abused again
Fear
A mind so scared
From quickly harsh words
Release
A minds need to get away
To have one happy day
Control
A mind reigned in
Afraid to speak of whats there
Remembrance
A mind full of memories
That will never disappear
Torture
A mind needing to relax
But will always remember the pain
Truth
A mind never accepting
What had really happened
Opinion
A mind which carries a secret
And a reason to hide it
Lies
A mind tortured by the past
But never allowed to express it
Belief
A mind knowing there will be a better day
An escape from torment
A beautiful mind
Trapped in a painful world
Of memories of time
That are forever blacked out
Not knowing if anyone will know
But the possessor of a tortured mind

So this poem here is the final one in my notebook so this will be the last installment of DTP. Hope you enjoyed them.

DTP Part 92

Finally A Queen
Written on: January 6, 2005 (age eighteen)

Once upon a time
A girl living in a castle of her own
With a family and a world of happiness
She grew up surrounded
By family and friends
And knew one day she'd find her prince
She loved the promises the world held
The belief of soul mates

And then she found herself growing up
Her soul mate found in love
And she was deliriously happy
She finally felt alive
Felt complete with the man of her dreams
She finally knew where she belonged
Beside her prince
To become king and queen
Of their own castle

To be with him forever
To have a family with him
And make their castle a home
To fill it with love and friendship
To have a life full of intrigue
Full of surprises and mysteries

So now she's finally become a queen
Her king by her side
And she now knows that when their castle
Becomes theirs
And their forever together
With a family of their own
Their lives will be complete

DTP Part 91

A Collection of Thoughts
Written on: May 19, 2005 (age eighteen)

Words on a piece of paper
Scrambled in to a jumbled mess
There is no order, no sense
Just thoughts on paper
All you have to do is get the words down
Before they disappear
Before you move on
You write one thing
But are unsure of what comes next
So you move on to the next thought

Maybe you talk about the future
Of a happy family with a few kids
But you don't stay on that thought long
And move on to your memories
The thoughts of a joyful childhood
And watching a big world grow smaller
You remember the days of forts
And adventures from sunrise to sunset
The thoughts of your adult adventures
Start to dominate your mind

Thoughts of your first hug
Your first kiss
Your childish crushes
And puppy love
Passionate words shared
As your cuddled close to a lover
The dreams of growing older
A true love there by your side
Children and grandchildren
They light up your life

Your thoughts jump again
And now your thinking about a job
What will you be, who will you be
Will all your dreams come true
Will you be a teacher
Or will you write the great American novel
How will you look
Will you still be kind and gentle
Will you fall in love many times
Or is there only one true love for you

There are so many paths to travel
How will you know which to choose
Is there even a right way to go
Do we have a single fate
Already planned out for us
Or do we really have the choice
Of what will happen in our lives
There are so many thoughts
Here on this paper
How will you organize them all?

DTP Part 90

Magic
Written on: January 6, 2005 (age eighteen)

Magic is all around us
All we have to do is look
Fairy tales have to be based on some reality
They follow us to our dreams
Fairies, unicorns and all the little monsters
The magic in the air on a spring morning
With the smell of flowers in the air
Miracles of babies and being in love
The magic that a family holds

I've always believed in magic
All the stories out there that mystify the mind
And perk your curiosity
Do witches and vampires exist?
Do werewolves truly howl at the moon?
Are fairies and pixies hiding in the greenery of Scotland?
And leprechauns hiding their pots of gold.
The Stonehenge holding magic within its circles
For me life is full of magic

Magic is everywhere
Like wishing upon a star
To see if all your dreams will come true

DTP Part 89

Memories
Written on: January 5, 2005 (age eighteen)

My memories of my life in my childhood home
Are both beautiful and amusing
I remember birthday parties
Late night swims and thunderstorms
Sitting up late and talking
Movies that last all day
Dinners shared together
But memories are both good and bad
Arguments that make you cry
Disappointment in your eyes
Fights with siblings
I grew up in one home
With a family of many
Whether they are of blood or not
They have all helped form my memories
My friends and family have seen me through
All the hard times
they have supported
All my choices
And they have held and comforted me
Through all my pains
So now as I have grown up
Become an adult
I begin to remember all my childhood memories
I treasure them as I set them aside
All where they will always be remembered
But put away to make room for new ones
As a new page has turned in my life
I know where I'm heading in life
And I'm happy to be going there too
My memories will be mine forever
And they will keep growing and building
As the rest of my life goes by

DTP Part 88

The Man
Written on: January 5, 2005 (age eighteen)

I once met a man
He sat in a park every day
Sun, rain or snow
No matter the weather outside
He was always there
I had learned as a child to expect him
Even if I did not look his way
I knew he would be perched on his bench
So I grew up as he grew older
And my visits became shorter
And further between
Yet one day as I was claimed an adult
By societies eyes
I went to the park
And searched out this man
A man so constantly in memories
And soon I found this man
Colored by age
Shadowed by death
He was no longer that strong image in my mind
Now he looked frail and alone
As he did not before
I sat beside the man
As if we were not strangers
And stared ahead as he did
Followed his trail of sight
Yet I saw nothing
The vision not calling me
As it did to him
What did he see
That brought him here each day
I turned to him to ask
And I noticed for the first time
The distant and blurred look in his eyes
And I knew
What he saw I would never see
A long and distant memory
Even though no words were shared
I knew this spot was sacred
I turned away from him
And again I stared at that one spot
But now I closed my eyes
Went into my mind and disappeared
My eyes open and distant as his
As I remembered everything from my past
The park became to me a sacred place
As it was to him
A place of solitude and sharing
To spend alone or with friends
I spent the entire day just sitting there
Just to remember
By the time my mind came back
To present days thoughts
I realized my day was gone
The man still sat in his memories
He had so many more than I
I stood and left the park in understanding
I knew why the man sat there each day
Now I visit the park
In honor of my memories
So as I return to this park as a woman
The man no longer there
Only a memory in itself
Added to many gathered through the years
He showed me how to treasure them
Without a word spoken between us
I treasure this park now
And all the memories it holds

DTP Part 87

My Fairytale
Written on: January 5, 2005 (age eighteen)

Love had only been in fairy tales
Trust had just been a myth
Thoughts and dreams kept hidden
And tongues held in check
Until you brought it all out in me
I had kept myself locked away
In the shadows of others
My heart was locked behind a wall
Until you brought out a key to break it down

I really thought there was no one
To help me reach all my dreams
To comfort when I found pain
To laugh when times are good
Someone to share my deepest secrets with
Now that love's a reality
My trust is in your hands
I share my thoughts and secrets
And I'm no longer afraid to speak my thoughts

You push me forward
To do the best that I can
I push you to do the same
Our love and passion shared
An eternal flame has been lit
And shall never be burned out
There may be bad times
Just like there are good ones
But we both know we'll get through them together

When I held you in my arms
I had finally found where I belonged
By your side and forever with you
I felt complete and truly happy
When I had to let you go
I cried and felt alone and torn apart
Even though I knew we'd be together again soon
I could look forward to that day
To the day we'd be with each other forever

I'm happy, ecstatic
I feel I can jump for joy
I'm loved and I love
I give my trust as I get yours in return
Even though we're apart ow
I know soon we'll be together again
So now I have felt what love is
I'm happier than ever
And I know where I belong

I believe now there is true love
Soul mates meant to be together
My fairy tale has come true