DTP Part 93

A Mind
Written on: February 3, 2006 (age nineteen)

Silence
A mind so numb
Nothing gets through
Ignorance
A mind full of opinions
Without really understanding
Trust
A mind willing to explore
Those feeling growing inside
Faith
A mind filled with religion
Never knowing what beliefs to believe
Happiness
A mind ecstatic
The joys of life need to be explored
Depression
A mind lost in delirium
Never wanting to feel abused again
Fear
A mind so scared
From quickly harsh words
Release
A minds need to get away
To have one happy day
Control
A mind reigned in
Afraid to speak of whats there
Remembrance
A mind full of memories
That will never disappear
Torture
A mind needing to relax
But will always remember the pain
Truth
A mind never accepting
What had really happened
Opinion
A mind which carries a secret
And a reason to hide it
Lies
A mind tortured by the past
But never allowed to express it
Belief
A mind knowing there will be a better day
An escape from torment
A beautiful mind
Trapped in a painful world
Of memories of time
That are forever blacked out
Not knowing if anyone will know
But the possessor of a tortured mind

So this poem here is the final one in my notebook so this will be the last installment of DTP. Hope you enjoyed them.

DTP Part 92

Finally A Queen
Written on: January 6, 2005 (age eighteen)

Once upon a time
A girl living in a castle of her own
With a family and a world of happiness
She grew up surrounded
By family and friends
And knew one day she'd find her prince
She loved the promises the world held
The belief of soul mates

And then she found herself growing up
Her soul mate found in love
And she was deliriously happy
She finally felt alive
Felt complete with the man of her dreams
She finally knew where she belonged
Beside her prince
To become king and queen
Of their own castle

To be with him forever
To have a family with him
And make their castle a home
To fill it with love and friendship
To have a life full of intrigue
Full of surprises and mysteries

So now she's finally become a queen
Her king by her side
And she now knows that when their castle
Becomes theirs
And their forever together
With a family of their own
Their lives will be complete

DTP Part 91

A Collection of Thoughts
Written on: May 19, 2005 (age eighteen)

Words on a piece of paper
Scrambled in to a jumbled mess
There is no order, no sense
Just thoughts on paper
All you have to do is get the words down
Before they disappear
Before you move on
You write one thing
But are unsure of what comes next
So you move on to the next thought

Maybe you talk about the future
Of a happy family with a few kids
But you don't stay on that thought long
And move on to your memories
The thoughts of a joyful childhood
And watching a big world grow smaller
You remember the days of forts
And adventures from sunrise to sunset
The thoughts of your adult adventures
Start to dominate your mind

Thoughts of your first hug
Your first kiss
Your childish crushes
And puppy love
Passionate words shared
As your cuddled close to a lover
The dreams of growing older
A true love there by your side
Children and grandchildren
They light up your life

Your thoughts jump again
And now your thinking about a job
What will you be, who will you be
Will all your dreams come true
Will you be a teacher
Or will you write the great American novel
How will you look
Will you still be kind and gentle
Will you fall in love many times
Or is there only one true love for you

There are so many paths to travel
How will you know which to choose
Is there even a right way to go
Do we have a single fate
Already planned out for us
Or do we really have the choice
Of what will happen in our lives
There are so many thoughts
Here on this paper
How will you organize them all?

DTP Part 90

Magic
Written on: January 6, 2005 (age eighteen)

Magic is all around us
All we have to do is look
Fairy tales have to be based on some reality
They follow us to our dreams
Fairies, unicorns and all the little monsters
The magic in the air on a spring morning
With the smell of flowers in the air
Miracles of babies and being in love
The magic that a family holds

I've always believed in magic
All the stories out there that mystify the mind
And perk your curiosity
Do witches and vampires exist?
Do werewolves truly howl at the moon?
Are fairies and pixies hiding in the greenery of Scotland?
And leprechauns hiding their pots of gold.
The Stonehenge holding magic within its circles
For me life is full of magic

Magic is everywhere
Like wishing upon a star
To see if all your dreams will come true

DTP Part 89

Memories
Written on: January 5, 2005 (age eighteen)

My memories of my life in my childhood home
Are both beautiful and amusing
I remember birthday parties
Late night swims and thunderstorms
Sitting up late and talking
Movies that last all day
Dinners shared together
But memories are both good and bad
Arguments that make you cry
Disappointment in your eyes
Fights with siblings
I grew up in one home
With a family of many
Whether they are of blood or not
They have all helped form my memories
My friends and family have seen me through
All the hard times
they have supported
All my choices
And they have held and comforted me
Through all my pains
So now as I have grown up
Become an adult
I begin to remember all my childhood memories
I treasure them as I set them aside
All where they will always be remembered
But put away to make room for new ones
As a new page has turned in my life
I know where I'm heading in life
And I'm happy to be going there too
My memories will be mine forever
And they will keep growing and building
As the rest of my life goes by

DTP Part 88

The Man
Written on: January 5, 2005 (age eighteen)

I once met a man
He sat in a park every day
Sun, rain or snow
No matter the weather outside
He was always there
I had learned as a child to expect him
Even if I did not look his way
I knew he would be perched on his bench
So I grew up as he grew older
And my visits became shorter
And further between
Yet one day as I was claimed an adult
By societies eyes
I went to the park
And searched out this man
A man so constantly in memories
And soon I found this man
Colored by age
Shadowed by death
He was no longer that strong image in my mind
Now he looked frail and alone
As he did not before
I sat beside the man
As if we were not strangers
And stared ahead as he did
Followed his trail of sight
Yet I saw nothing
The vision not calling me
As it did to him
What did he see
That brought him here each day
I turned to him to ask
And I noticed for the first time
The distant and blurred look in his eyes
And I knew
What he saw I would never see
A long and distant memory
Even though no words were shared
I knew this spot was sacred
I turned away from him
And again I stared at that one spot
But now I closed my eyes
Went into my mind and disappeared
My eyes open and distant as his
As I remembered everything from my past
The park became to me a sacred place
As it was to him
A place of solitude and sharing
To spend alone or with friends
I spent the entire day just sitting there
Just to remember
By the time my mind came back
To present days thoughts
I realized my day was gone
The man still sat in his memories
He had so many more than I
I stood and left the park in understanding
I knew why the man sat there each day
Now I visit the park
In honor of my memories
So as I return to this park as a woman
The man no longer there
Only a memory in itself
Added to many gathered through the years
He showed me how to treasure them
Without a word spoken between us
I treasure this park now
And all the memories it holds

DTP Part 87

My Fairytale
Written on: January 5, 2005 (age eighteen)

Love had only been in fairy tales
Trust had just been a myth
Thoughts and dreams kept hidden
And tongues held in check
Until you brought it all out in me
I had kept myself locked away
In the shadows of others
My heart was locked behind a wall
Until you brought out a key to break it down

I really thought there was no one
To help me reach all my dreams
To comfort when I found pain
To laugh when times are good
Someone to share my deepest secrets with
Now that love's a reality
My trust is in your hands
I share my thoughts and secrets
And I'm no longer afraid to speak my thoughts

You push me forward
To do the best that I can
I push you to do the same
Our love and passion shared
An eternal flame has been lit
And shall never be burned out
There may be bad times
Just like there are good ones
But we both know we'll get through them together

When I held you in my arms
I had finally found where I belonged
By your side and forever with you
I felt complete and truly happy
When I had to let you go
I cried and felt alone and torn apart
Even though I knew we'd be together again soon
I could look forward to that day
To the day we'd be with each other forever

I'm happy, ecstatic
I feel I can jump for joy
I'm loved and I love
I give my trust as I get yours in return
Even though we're apart ow
I know soon we'll be together again
So now I have felt what love is
I'm happier than ever
And I know where I belong

I believe now there is true love
Soul mates meant to be together
My fairy tale has come true

DTP Part 86

Thinking (Part 3)
Written on: November 13, 2004 (age seventeen)

I look back on what I did last year
A poem by this very name
Crazy how worried I seemed
About so many things
Life, death
Past and future
About a ring to bind me
To someone I despise now
I was even feeling this way then

Now that terrible feeling of being bound is gone
I want the ring
From the man of my dreams
I'm giddy with excitement
When rings are exchanged
And vows are said
No matter how soon or long
Until that day
I now know who it will be

Growing up is still a scary thing
But now, not as much as before
My life has found its course
Leading me and guiding me down its paths
My eyes aren't always open
Sometimes I can be blinded on my way
Yet I have met one crossroad
Knowing I'll meet more
But now I feel prepared

It's scary and nerve-wreaking
How caution I am around my friends
Trying not to say anything wrong
Or do a stupid thing
They've blamed me for things in the past
And called me a bad friend
But all that is behind me
All has been resolved
Hasn't it?

Writing and family
Were always the constants in my life
They had seen me through every problem
They have helped me find my path
Now I've found a new thing in my life
Someone who is there to be depended on
The kind and captor of my heart
He makes all the fears and pains
Go away

A week from now I'll be an adult
But will I be mature enough
To take on the role
Can I be independent
Or has time gone too fast
For me to grow to be on my own
Or will I always be dependent
On the people in my life
And see I can't live up to the role

For the longest time
I have been that little girl
Full of dreams
I have seen my dreams morph
From fairy tales to wedding days
Now my dreams are special
Things I know I can hope to reach
Because now that he's by my side
I know he'll help me through the troubles

From friend
To boyfriend
And soon to husband
From child to woman
From daughter
To wife and mother
My dreams of family
Of my own
Are close to me

Truth be told
I have never felt like this
Like nothing has made me happier
Light headed and those wonderful butterflies
When ever he even says my name
I can now say "I love you"
With all of my heart and soul
And when I hear those three words back
I know that the words are from the heart

I had always dreamt of a fairytale romance
Of true love and happily ever after
I've found it in him
He is everything I have ever dreamed of
And I know that he's the one
He is my lover and my best friend
We can talk for hours
If anything goes wrong in my life
He's always had a comforting embrace

I remember long ago
Sitting down as little girls
My friends and I tried to write our vows
To our imaginary husbands
Back then I couldn't find the words
To say to someone who wasn't real
But I know now that if I sat down
To write my vows to him
The words would be harder

I would never be able to find
The right words
To express what I feel about him
And how he makes everything so right
He's a dream come true
One I never thought I'd find
So I would want the words to be perfect
To hear his words of love as well
Until death do us part

Now I wear a ring on my finger
Knowing that soon the band will change
To the one he'll give to me
On bended knee
I know he'll have one on his own finger
In the future
As we stand in front of family and friends
Our hands held together
As those words of love are shared

My future doesn't seem so bleak now
As the days tick by
Until the days I must leave
The safety of the nest my family has given me
I know I won't be alone
I'll have him and my friends
And my family will always be there
I will always have writing
When things get really bad

I've never been so sure of what I want
I had always been fearful
Of making the wrong choice
But as in the days of old
I believe in fate
In a destiny already planned
But I believe we have a say now
Of the best choices in our lives
And I know I can make them now

Writing through the years
Changing from style to style
Searching for where I am most comfortable
From poetry to stories and back again
Poetry seems to be a favorite
Though I have found a different style now
Something hush-hush
Of secrets deep in your minds
It lets me bring things inside to life

My love for children has guided me
To help to prepare them for life
To teach them and be there for them
This love has helped me find a goal
Something I wish to be
Though I believe
That love was destined to lead me here
On this path to teach
To help them find their own futures

More dreams
And different paths
Show me the possibilities
A teacher, a writer
A bookstore filled with books
A cozy cafe to relax in
A fireplace to curl up in front of
A book in your lap
All of these pictures in my head

My insatiable thirst for knowledge
Drives me to reach each goal
To find and learn more
To find out why things are so
This must be why I hold so many dreams
I just want to learn about everything
Ad I know I must continue to take it in
To try and ease that need
To hold all the knowledge out there

So now I see how full my mind is
Things I must write down
To try and get it all in words
Before they disappear into the void
The storage where my thoughts are held
These words are from my inner soul
My innermost secrets kept
My biggest fears and dreams
The words don't seem to stop

Time has seemed to go so fast
And all I can do
Is try to keep up
To not get lost in the crowd is hard
I must find where I belong
I know life is short
And you should always look in every direction
To take in everything you can
And live life to the fullest

DTP Part 85

The Hunt
Written on: September 15, 2004 (age seventeen)

She was swift and stealthy
Nothing stopped her
She was persistent
On a hunt
She is rarely seen
Until her pray feels serene
With strong legs she pounces
With sharp teeth skin is shredded
But even though the strike is deadly
She does not feast upon her catch
Quietly again she follows a trail
Hidden to the naked eye
This time Slowed with the burden
Of fresh meat in her mouth
The blood seeps into and onto her muzzle
Awakening sense and causing
A growl of hunger to escape
She knows she is getting closer to her destination
The familiar scents and sounds
Of home and family calling her
Soon the entrance of the secluded cave is revealed
The sounds so familiar
Of cubs playing
The sight of other lionesses watching with curiosity
As she brings the dinner home to them
She drops it upon the ground in the center of the clearing
She turns her back to leave
Her job is done, yet she still hungers

DTP Part 84

You Brought Me Back
Written on: September 9, 2004 (age seventeen)

I once was down and dreary
Hurt so many times before
I didn't want to get trapped again
Only to find myself torn and hurt again
So I was secluded and distant
Keeping myself from showing my true colors
Wearing a mask with a smile
Yet beneath there were tears
I wanted the love
But I didn't want the hurt
I was friendly and honest to a point
But no one really knew how I felt
No one but me
You came into my life as a surprise
A dream come true
I slowly started realizing
It was you who was missing all along

I remember I was sitting back
Trying to stay out of the crowd
You walked in and looked around
I watched you say hello
To all your friends
But when our eyes met
It seemed as all else disappeared
You came to me
Alone in my corner
Ignoring all the noise behind you
Your friends were trying to call you back
You reached my side and sat beside me
Leaning against me like we've known each other
Forever

We sat in silence
Sharing the solitude of the dark corner
Minutes had passed as I started to feel
It seemed as if we both felt it
The pull that had caused you to walk across the room
Was the same pull that caused us to turn
To start talking with familiarity
Finding out anything and everything

We were connected instantly
It didn't feel like we had just met
It felt like you knew everything about me
You seemed to bring me out
From behind my mask
You brought me out of my sorrow
You made me feel alive again
And I'm genuinely smiling again
You brought me back to happiness

We never parted
Nothing could separate us
I found myself falling in love again
But this time it was different
Because I knew you wouldn't hurt me
And when you told me you felt the same
My heart seemed to soar
And I finally complete

DTP Part 83

Torn
Written on: February 10, 2004 (age seventeen)

Have you ever been torn
Torn between two souls
Two people
Wanting to make yourself happy
But not wanting to hurt anyone
Or yourself

It seems life leads me this way
Always making me choose
Between two
But I guess that's how it is

DTP Part 82

Stars
Written on: unknown date

I lay down in a field of flowers
The midnight air blowing over me
I look at the billions of stars in the sky
And think of all the reasons why I love you
My heart soars because before I knew it
I had used each and every star in the sky

I closed my eyes
And imagined more stars in the sky
Until my list had come close to an end
More stars were added to my sight
With more reasons for my love

So now as I lay in this field of flowers
I watch as my dreams become reality
For in mere hours
I'll finally be yours

We'll share our vows
To share eternity
To be one
Bound in love
Together forever

DTP Part 81

A Modern Day Romeo and Juliette
Written on: March 26, 2004 (age seventeen)

Star cross'd lovers
A world apart
What do they do
When they love forbiddenly
A voice, a thought, a single picture
Is all they have to remember
That their love will be strong
Forever
Yet to get forever, it must be in secret
Because family and friends disapproved

They met in secret
For they are not even allowed to be friends
Yet they still find the time and the way
To be together

To tell or not to tell
That is the question
Running through their heads
Should they face the hurt
The disappointment
The disownment
Will their friends and family ever understand
That it was love that pulled them together
Instead of hate pushing them apart

Her friends called him cocky
Ugly and an ass
His friends called her a tramp
The black sheep and a bitch
To hide their anger
They put on their masks
Not denying, not encouraging

They were your modern day
Romeo and Juliette
Denied to each other
Because their families are different
Because their friends are different

DTP Part 80

Valentine's Day Crap
Written on: February 18, 2004 (age seventeen)

Candy hearts and flowers
Cards and small gifts
Nothing I'd like better
Then to throw them back at you
Valentine's Day was a terrible day
When promises aren't kept
And you just run away
It wouldn't have been so bad
If we could cuddle by the fire
Or even a simple hello
Would have done fine
I never knew I could hate a day
So much
It brought pain and tears
It makes me so mad
That I let you do this to me
On a day of love
You left me to fend for myself
I had always hated V-day
But you made it so much worse

DTP Part 79

Writing
Written on: February 10, 2004 (age seventeen)

Lost
I don't know what to write
Shadows cloud my mind
Clearing it of all thoughts
I write for hours upon hours
Clearing my mind of the words
They flow through my pen
Not enough time
To get a clear thought on paper
Before a new one appears
Pushing the old away
Crazy how after hours
I'm so numb, so tired
I can't think or sleep
My minds a blank
To stare at the ceiling blankely
Mesmerized by the colors
Flooding back into my world
There's nothing else in the world
Not when I wrote
Just me
A pen
Some paper
I'm lost
A world of a writer
Haunting me
Pressing me to go forward
My mind wanders
Showing me things
Reading to me my thoughts
Telling me to write
If only I could spend my life
Writing
It gives me my sanity
My escape
My reality
Alone
Lost
Dazed
A writer's life
A writer's dream
Feeding me to a world
Unlike any other

DTP Part 78

My Mother's Embrace
Written on: February 10, 2004 (age seventeen)
Dedicated to: my mother

I remember long ago
Of a night that was warm
You could smell the flowers in the air
You could see the stars
I had woken up
From a terrible dream
With monsters and death
I was young
And I wanted comfort
I walked to the windowed door
I looked out at the world I knew
Through child's eyes it looked so big
I saw her laying there
As if she had been waiting all along
I ran to her to tell her
That I needed
The monsters chased away
She wrapped me in her warm embrace
One I had known so well
We stared up at the stars in silence
She wouldn't let me talk
But soon my monsters and fears
Disappeared
As she rocked me back and forth
I knew her arms would protect me
The stars made shapes
We pointed them out
In silent discovery
Minutes and hours passed
As the midnight sky turned to dawn
Light and colors filled the sky
As I laid in my mother's arms

DTP Part 77

My Prince
Written on: February 10, 2004 (age seventeen)

As a girl
I believed in fairy tale romances
And happily ever after
I couldn't wait to grow up
And fall in love
With the man of my dreams

He would be my prince
Dark and handsome and tall
He would be funny and kind
Loving and playful
There would be love at first sight
And I would trust him immediately

He would hold knowledge of the world
He would love the written word
H would read with me by the fires
Til we finally fell into lover's embrace
He would support my choices
And stand by my side

He would love me unconditionally
As I would love him
We would be best friends
Someone we could turn to
A shoulder to cry on
When hurt came our way

Through sickness and in health
For richer or for poorer
For better or worse
We'd be there for each other
With love and trust
Faith and hope

He'd want a great big family
Just as I do
With tons of kids and pets alike
We would grow old together
Our love just as sweet
As it was when we met

So now I'm a young woman
Waiting for her prince to come
For my happily ever after

DTP Part 76

What's It Mean to Be In Love
Written on: February 10, 2004 (age seventeen)

Have you ever sat and wondere
What does it mean to be in love
Do you trust immediately
Or does it grow with age and time
Or can there be love without trust
When someone loves
Then gets hurt
How do you heal a broken heart

What's it mean to be in love
Is it always about just having one person
Forever and for always
Or will you have many loves
And treasure each and every one
Is it different for each person
Do we each have a soul mate
Someone we're destined to be with

What's it mean to have a soul mate
Does it mean happily ever after
Or a fairytale romance
Or can your soul mate
Be cruel and dishonest
With harsh words and a swift fist
A tangle of lies spewed forth
From your true loves mouth

What's it mean to be monogamous
To be true and faithful to the one you love
Does everyone have a different meaning
To be monogamous
I would think so
Since there are so many people
Lying and cheating
Where will it all end

So what's it mean to be in love
Does it need lust to be love
Or can you have both
Do we lust after the ones we love
Or do we love the people we lust for
Or are they not connected with each other
Two separate feelings
Not meant to be bound

Does love mean faithfulness, trust
Does it mean soul mates and true love
Does it mean hurt and heartbreak
Does it mean choice or lust
Is it about fate and destiny
Or lies and adultery
Does it mean marriage is in the future
A home and family

Have you ever just sat and wondered
What does it mean to be in love?

DTP Part 75

The Unfairytale Romance
Written on: February 9, 2004 (age seventeen)

Once upon a time
There was a princess
Who loved a prince
The price like to dally
With all the pretty girls
And the princess just cried
For a different prince to love

One day she sat
Alone in her castle
As tears rolled down her cheeks
Her prince stumbling by
With a curse and a grumble
His clothes are a mess
And his eyes all glassy

She wanted to yell
In an unlady-like fashion
But she would hold back
Keeping her morals intact
Instead she just cried
Alone at night

One day as she stood
Alone in her castle
There was a rapping at her door
And there stood a prince
As dark and handsome
As her dreams
Would make him up

He held a bouquet of flowers
And said he would listen
He'd be by her side
And dry all her tears
She smiled at him
And knew her wishes had been granted
But it was too late

She was already bound
To the prince she had once loved
In once upon a time land
A bind could not be broken
So she was sad once again
And the prince only sighed
What would happen now

She said she wanted to leave
But she didn't want to hurt
No matter how much
He had hurt her before
The new prince only held her
As she cried her
Ever-present tears

The prince told her
The other guy was a bastard
For hurting someone so special
The princess smiled a haunted smile
And said those were lies
How could anyone be special
If they let themselves be hurt

The prince simply nodded
And knew the pain that she felt
Must be terrible and huge
He had pity for the princess
She had never known true love
The pleasures
The happiness

He wanted to show her
What true love meant
If only she would open up
And let him heal her old wounds
When the prince told her
What he felt
She just laughed

She told him straight out
She could never trust again
She would not let another person
Into her heart
If she would only be hurt
Once again
Never again

So now the princess lives alone
Her fairytale world in shambles
Both princes gone
No more tears fall down her cheeks
She's numb now
Lost in a world of
Unfairy-tale romances.

DTP Part 74

The Mirror
Written on: February 9, 2004 (age seventeen)

Sturdy, yet fragile I stand
In millions of places around the world
Reflecting what you wish to see
Whether it be a mask
One you put on everyday
To hide when you face the world
Or maybe it is you
Standing there
Wishing to be someone
You're not
Scare you may be
To face the world
As your true self
Only wishing to change yourself

Sometimes I stand dormant
In your room
Watching as time passes by
With just a glimpse that you give me
As you pretend not to care
The silvery pools of my glass
Showing only what you don't want to see
Now I stand here
Aging and growing brittle
Watching you grow
From babe to adult
You're married now
With children of your own
Yet as you look into the glass
I reflect back to you a girl
Small and naive
With bows in your hair